How To Communicate Effectively with Right Brained People

At a recent peer group meeting, I did a presentation on the value of the members working to develop their right brain functions. They already have strong, effective left-brain functioning, but most lacked appropriate right-brain balance. This is true of most in our society today. During the conversation with the group, though, a member asked how we can best communicate with someone who is predominately right-brained. I suspect this was a question born out of frustration and failures with someone(s) specific. But it is still a great question.

The left hemisphere of the brain controls logic, reasoning, and problem-solving and processes things sequentially. The right hemisphere is associated with emotion, art, intuition, creativity, and imagination. It does not tend to process things sequentially. It is where our “gut” reactions and our “ah-ha” experiences tend to originate.

First, seek to understand. Right-brained people tend to be less precise in their use of language than those who are predominately left-brained. So don’t assume that the words that they say are what they mean. Ask clarifying questions, dig. Feedback what you think you are hearing them say using different words or rephrase what you think you are hearing and feed it back. They say, “I’m frustrated because John isn’t holding up his end of the deal.” You say, “I understand you are upset (which validates their frustration) with John because some of your expectations are not being met. Is that correct?” Another way to describe what you are doing when you reflect back what you heard is bonding and creating rapport. People want to know you care and that you can relate. Don’t paraphrase to manipulate, but to understand. I am reminded of the times (way too many) where I will come home and my wife will tell me about all the frustrations she had all day and rather than sit and listen and be empathetic I would give her suggestions how she might have handled the situations differently when all she really wanted to do is vent and feel understood. I was still in problem solving mode. If I would simply sit, listen, and empathize with her she would have gotten what she needed and not what I thought she needed. Seek first to truly understand.

Second, ask what they want or need. Especially if the situation is full of emotion or otherwise touchy, after you feel like you know what the issue really is, rather than jumping in and trying to fix or solve, ask them what they want or need from you. “So, you feel John keeps dropping the ball on the follow-ups he needs to be doing and it is holding up your project. How might I help you?” They may simply say they “just need to vent and thanks for listening.” With my wife, I will say, “Are you telling me this because you want me to help you solve it or do you just need to vent?” Many times, she just wants to vent, and I only need to sit and listen and be supportive.

But there is a key piece missing in what I have written. While my suggestions undoubtedly have merit, I doubt anyone who is reading this is truly surprised by them either. While I do think understanding that you are dealing with someone who is right-brain dominate (or expressing themselves that way) is helpful in knowing how to best approach them, I think the bigger piece is this: We need to have space in our heads to allow that recognition to actually occur. So often we have what seems like twenty different things (problems, opportunities, situations, issues) floating around in our heads that we get engaged in a conversation with another and we are not fully there. A part of us is still dwelling on what just happened, etc., and we fall into a pattern of communication that is suddenly fallen off into the weeds and we have stepped in a hole before we realize it. The most important thing we can do when talking, especially to those who process the world differently, is “take a pause,” put the “whatever just happened” on hold and become fully present before engaging the person in front of us.