My “Mortality Demon”
Two or three years ago (I wasn’t keeping track), my impending mortality came into my awareness. We all know our bodies are going to die at some point, but most of us (including me) spend most of our lives acting as if we are going to live forever. As I said, two or three years ago, that changed. It occurred to me, just rather suddenly, that I am running out of runway. And it has altered my entire perspective on virtually everything in my life. I view my relationships, my vocation, my health, my discretionary time, everything, differently. It has been wonderful. Now, I am not looking forward to dropping this body any more than you are looking forward to leaving yours, but the awareness of its reality has created urgency, in the best kind of way.
Warren Buffett has been quoted as saying, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything”. Zig Ziglar has been quoted as saying “You need to learn to say no to the good so you can say yes to the best.” While these both say similar things, at least for me, they resonate a bit differently. Zig’s quote implies that we replace something with something else, something better. Warren’s quote implies to me that by removing things (and not necessarily replacing them with something else), we get something better. The emphasis in my life is moving in Warren’s direction, especially vocationally.
I was having a conversation with my coach this morning about how I am adjusting my priorities in response to these realizations, and to make it easier to talk about, I dubbed these impulses my “Mortality Demon”. It seemed to fit!
Vocationally, I am actively looking for ways to say no to “opportunities” that “might” move my current vocational choices forward. This is because I want there to be room for something new to appear. In my life, I’ve done that many times, and something new has always appeared, and it has always been better. Right now, I am being more aggressive about saying no, just for the sake of saying no, trusting that my decision will lead me from successful to very successful. But saying no to opportunities invokes some internal conflict. I see where saying “yes” could lead me, and it looks promising. I don’t yet see where saying no will do that. In the past, I’ve tended to create a balance where the shift from one vocational emphasis to another has occurred over time, and I’ve allowed the new venture to at least germinate and sprout before walking away from the other. (It is instructive that it has always been the case that the new venture has been a step forward, yet each time the step into the unknown is always unknown, and the fear still appears.) But the Mortality Demon isn’t letting me do that now. It is demanding that the transition be compressed. So, I’m saying no a lot more, and there are a bunch of upcoming “No’s” that are going to be surprising to people when they occur. Yet, it feels so, so right. I’m excited. I am starting to see some positive results too. On the other hand, the results in my relationships, discretionary time, and health have been much more tangible.
In a recent post on his weekly newsletter, Peter Diamandis was talking about longevity and mindset. He quoted Dan Sullivan of Strategic Coach, “You need to have a future that is bigger than your past”. Peter then went on to say, “Need evidence? In a study of 69,744 women and 1,429 men, published in the prestigious journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, it was found that optimistic people live as much as 15 percent longer than pessimists. The study was conducted over three decades, controlling for health conditions, behaviors like diet and exercise, and other demographic information.”
Over the past year or so, I’ve expanded my thinking on longevity, which, of course, is influenced by our health. I already have genetics that suggest I could live another 20 years or so. What if it is another 30?!
I’m focusing much more on quality time with my family and wife, Moni. We’ve been married almost 49 years as I write this and with such duration, there is a familiarity and comfort that occurs for most, I suspect. But I am finding a renewed appreciation for the value she has brought to my life and is bringing to our children and their families. This change is also the result of that pesky Mortality Demon. She is influencing everything in my life right now, and it is terrific. But I am 72, and odds are you are not, and I know some of you are much, much younger than I, and your Mortality Demon may not have yet made her appearance in your life. I am not sure you can effectively force her to show up. But I do think there is something you can do that is a positive step in that direction.
Write your obituary.
When you write your obituary and put down on paper what you want people to say and think about you after you leave, it stimulates some effective self-examination that can lead to the same sorts of changes that my Mortality Demon is blessing me with. It is likely to challenge you, and it can be uncomfortable, but it is exactly the sort of uncomfortable that can lead you to growth.
If this is intriguing and you want more, check out our formal training at www.whatsnextcourse.com.
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