Are You Waiting For All The Lights To Turn Green?
Well-known marketing expert, Seth Godin, is reported to have said:
“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
I love that.
Let’s be clear, however, we all need a change of scenery periodically. We perhaps need to make more time to spend with our children or our spouse. We have a healthy desire to see the world. All those things can be and often are important. But Seth isn’t talking about not taking a vacation; he is talking about building a life in which a vacation isn’t something to necessarily be looked forward to more than what you were doing in the weeks before or in the weeks after. He wants those weeks to be just as special. And this is so far from the experience of most people’s lives as to be almost an absurd thought for many.
I live in the same world as you, and I am very clear how even the idea of this occurring in our lives, to create such a life, is so daunting, so beyond our current level of understanding of what is possible for us, that we really wouldn’t even know where to start such a journey. What we do, at least most of us, is dismiss the thought. I know I have, but just because I’ve made the mistake of dismissing the idea (more than once), it is an idea that kept reappearing. For me, the idea has never been something I’ve thought of in the way that Seth articulated it; it is the idea that I “need” (a very important choice of words there) to figure out how to build a life with the autonomy to do what I want to do, pretty much when I want to do it. Time for a sidebar:
As those of you who know me are aware, I am a self-employed entrepreneur, and it would appear I have certain flexibilities that someone who works for others does not enjoy. (I can hear the “yeh, buts” rolling in.) No. This is a mindset issue. We are all self-employed. While it is true that someone other than you may be signing your paycheck, you are ultimately responsible for both the amount you receive AND for the flexibility you require and demand in your employment. On the surface, yes, the constraints appear different. But beyond the surface, it is the same. So, I don’t want to hear the “yeh, buts”. End sidebar.
Tim Ferriss is credited with creating or at least popularizing what has come to be known as “lifestyle design”. It started with his best-selling book “The 4-Hour Workweek,” and while some of that book and its examples may be a bit dated, the most fundamental messages it contains are just as valid today as they ever were. The literal explosion in “digital nomads” and “work from home” culture gives credence to both the possibility and the “need” for this in our lives. (There is that word “need” again.) I recently figured out that I decided to pursue this outrageous-sounding goal about 10 years ago. In my case, it wasn’t some sort of grand, strategic plan I put into place. I was just stumbling along like most of us and didn’t realize that was what I was doing at the time. I just decided to make a series of changes. The first step: I’ll describe it in the context of the title of these newsletters. I decided to wake up and began taking the proactive steps necessary to do that. (And it wasn’t that I decided to wake up and take the steps. It was then that I started taking steps and eventually realized what they represented.) Many of the most visible shifts were vocational changes, but their outward behaviors were all accompanied by internal changes. All real change starts on the inside. At least for me, there was a “need” for all these adjustments. It wasn’t with a grand plan to become what I am now. (Indeed, at least vocationally, really none of what is happening around me now was in my awareness when this all started). I had a good life, I had a good income, and I had good health. I had good family relationships. But I recognized that I “needed” more and went and took steps to create it.
I am fond of a metaphor that I use when I talk to people about changing their lives. If you want to drive from New York City to Los Angeles, you don’t wait for all the lights to turn green before you start. (So put the car in gear.) But where my metaphor breaks down beautifully is that in the journey I started (and am still on), I may have started in New York, but I do not know exactly where I am headed. That is scary for most people, but I find it more terrifying to stay stuck in a life when I know in the depths of my being that it can be even better.
There is a quote from Flannery O’Connor that says, “I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” He takes action (in his case, writing) to get to what he is after. It is OK to put the car and gear and start moving even if you don’t know exactly what the destination will be. I can’t speak for Flannery, but suspect he is like me in that the first draft is always crappy, just as the first part of a journey without a known destination and no map will not be clean and clear either. It is in the process of the journey that we figure it out. And in my experience, where we end up is better than anything we could have figured out ahead of time with the car parked in the driveway. To repeat what I said above, none of the great things that are happening around me right now were even in my awareness when I started taking steps to wake up. They are better. You have to do the journey to find the destination.
If you don’t know how to start the journey, stay tuned. Next time, I am going to teach you how to start building a navigational map to help you find the right destination.
If you found this issue helpful and want to hear more from Greg, be sure to subscribe to his podcast, Pants Around Ankles Prevention, where each episode delivers a punch of truth to help you wake up, gain perspective, and live with greater clarity and purpose. Listen and subscribe now on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.
This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.