⏰ Greg on His “Soapbox.” Trigger Warning!
In my work, one characteristic that everyone is aware of is that I can be very direct and blunt. Yet, I apparently rarely offend those with whom I am working because they know me and they know I care. And it is because they know I care that my comments are accepted and valued. In this particular newsletter, I am very aware that I am going to say some things that some may, um, “dislike” a little, or a lot. It is not my intention to offend anyone, but I do intend to be direct about a few things. You get to decide how you want to respond. So much for the disclaimer!
There are only two motivations, just two. Love and its opposite, which is fear. There are other ways to say the same thing. One of my mentors said (in the context of a sales conversation) that there are only two reasons people buy: they want something they don’t have or have something they don’t want. In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), motivations are similarly categorized. Either you are “moving toward” something you want or “moving away from” something you don’t want. But when you dig deeply enough, beyond the level of superficial reasoning, what you get to is love or fear. (And, definitely sometimes both at the same time.) But it has been my experience (with both myself and most others) that most of the time we make choices that are primarily motivated by fear.
What comes cloaked in logic, rational thinking, and thoughtful reasoning is more often than not nothing but a disguise. It’s fear. We just don’t want to acknowledge it.
This newsletter is about coming awake, “Waking Up”. You can’t wake up without expansion of who you are, and that “expansion” is another (disguised, less threatening) word for growth or change. The reason we don’t change or grow is either that we don’t know how (technically, known as “ignorance”) or we aren’t willing to make the effort, which is virtually always based on fear. (And just for clarity, ignorance does not mean stupidity or low IQ. It means lack of knowledge, of information.)
This is the twenty-sixth newsletter I’ve drafted, and the first twenty-five have pretty much all been intended to give you how-to or stimulate you toward growth, waking up. In this newsletter, I want to discuss the price you pay when you delude yourself by listening to your rational, logical thinking and thoughtful reasoning, which talks you out of taking a step to move your life forward, when the real problem is that you are afraid. It is costing you. I suppose there is really nothing immoral and certainly nothing illegal or unethical in society’s eyes in making a choice to not proactively grow. After all, it pretty much defines all of society and also what it means to be unsuccessful.
…(letting all that land)...
Wait a minute, I hear some of you saying, unsuccessful?! Why, I’ll have you know that I am financially sound, I started and built up my own company, I’ve got some nice adult toys (nice car, boat, second house), what do you mean unsuccessful?
Success in life has little to do with what you’ve accomplished compared to others and almost everything to do with what you’ve become compared to what you were capable of becoming. If you are hesitating to take proactive steps to expand yourself because of fear, what else would you call that, cause it sure isn’t “success”? (Do you know ANYBODY that is a well-balanced human being that doesn’t change and grow?)
(And while I am standing on my “soap box”, I also need to point out that every major religious tradition is all about growth and change. It is mind-boggling to me to watch really good people consistently resist growth opportunities AND also say they are serious about their faith! Come on! Wake Up!)
So, just what is your lack of proactive growth costing you? This is the insidious part. Cause I don’t know and you don’t know either. That is one of the challenges. Let me explain with an analogy that is also a true story. I became a vegetarian over 35 years ago. As a result of that, I instantly became healthier, had A LOT more energy, got sick less often and when I did get sick it was not as severe. I just felt better. I was better! The list of benefits goes on, but you get the idea. I’ve never tried to proselytize to others the benefits of my dietary choices, but occasionally someone will ask and I’ll share my experiences and then they say something like, “Wow, sounds great, but I don’t think I could give up a good burger.” Do you see the problem here? They know what the experience of eating a burger is and they don’t want to give that up. But those benefits I’ve listed for them? They have not experienced them. They only “know” what they have to give up. They don’t “know” what they will get. So, I can’t tell you, specifically what you will gain because I don’t know. You don’t know either. (And as you think about where you might be more proactive, notice the fears that are starting to appear in your awareness!) I will tell you this. If you embrace the path of proactive growth your life will change and I believe you will end up in a better place. I won’t promise you it will be easy to get there because, almost certainly, aspects of it will be hard. (You don’t grow by doing what is “easy”!)
So the challenge I will give you is the challenge I accepted when I was “persuaded” to try a vegetarian lifestyle. My “inspiration” said, “Don’t believe anything I am about to tell you. Just try it for 10 days and judge by results.” See, he understood that you needed to have the experience before you could truly evaluate the benefits. That is my challenge to you. You already know something, somewhere in your life where you have been avoiding or putting off attempting something because of fear. Take it on as a growth experiment. Not just 10 days, but long enough to get to the “result”. Then look back at it and examine yourself and what happened. Whatever it is that you choose, you’ve almost certainly already examined it and even realized that there is some fear that is holding you back. You may even have lived long enough to have learned that these things are almost never as bad as you expect, but you are still letting the fear hold you back.
Time to change.
If you found this issue helpful and want to hear more from Greg, be sure to subscribe to his podcast, Pants Around Ankles Prevention, where each episode delivers a punch of truth to help you wake up, gain perspective, and live with greater clarity and purpose. Listen and subscribe now on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.
This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.