⏰ The Waiting Room
Ugh!
One of my spiritual teachers pointed out to me many years ago that if you want a glass of orange juice, but the glass has water in it, you first must pour out the water. The last few essays have been about emptying the glass of water. The experience of most people who have proactively taken the step of emptying the glass is that what they then get to do is wait. For many, the orange juice does not instantly appear. Indeed, it is sometimes the case that we empty the glass (and to be clear, this is always a good thing) before we even know what kind of juice we would prefer to have in the glass. I call that period between the water and the juice “the waiting room.”
My experience with the waiting room is that it has always been uncomfortable. I’m ready for the juice! Where is the juice? Even if I have some idea of the new direction in which I want to move, it seems I still get to spend time in the waiting room. I feel frustrated and impatient. It almost always feels like nothing is happening.
About the latter, about nothing happening, that is wrong.
Back in the 1990s, my entrepreneurial drive led me to start a commercial roofing company from scratch. After 15 years, it was a successful business. I was making a good living, but I was also carrying a tremendous amount of stress and, more importantly, I wasn’t enjoying it. I felt stuck, unsure how to take the business to the next level.
Then everything changed. Six months into one particular year, I had already surpassed my previous annual records for both sales and profits. My stress level was unusually low, the business was running smoothly, and everything felt easy. By every measure, it was the best year I’d ever had.
And I still wasn’t having any fun.
That realization forced me to ask myself a simple question: If this is as good as it gets, do I want to spend the rest of my life doing this?
The answer came immediately: no.
So I made a decision. I completed every outstanding project, paid every bill, helped each employee find a job with another roofing company, and closed the business. From finishing the last job to locking the doors for good took less than 60 days.
And then I found myself in the waiting room. I had accumulated enough money that I didn’t need to “work” right away, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do vocationally. (I was only super clear on what I did not want to do!) It became uncomfortable. (In my case, I first went through a period of destressing, decompression that probably lasted 30-45 days, but then I started to feel the discomfort.) Now, I have had these sorts of changes before, but never with something so (obviously) drastic. So, I was expecting discomfort. I made the decision to do what I did, knowing that the only way to get to the juice was to first empty out the water. (And I sure put that to the test in a big way!) I then began to develop the idea of going back to college to get an advanced degree, but that never happened. In my case, a series of strong serendipitous events just materialized and pointed me in the direction I needed to go. But until those serendipities happened, I felt pressure, I felt insecure, I worried, and I was not content. (Serendipity rarely happens on my schedule. It usually makes me wait.)
Serendipity is such a powerful thing. In my experience, it never appears when the glass is full of water. (Though I think it can.) For me, it only appears when the glass is completely empty. And when it happens, it really is a powerful thing. All the confusion and uncertainty evaporate in an instant. It’s like, “Oh, my, wow! This is a sign.” All the check boxes got checked. All the roadblocks (if there were any) evaporated. Any other options I might have had suddenly look terrible by comparison. In hindsight, it feels like I was presented with no-choice, no-option behavior, but in a good, very good way.
So, as I said above, once you pour out the water and you are in the waiting room, it feels like nothing is happening. But when the serendipitous event or events occur, it becomes clear that a lot was happening, and all I really had to do was be open and to be “noticing” so that when things did happen, I’d see them. Serendipitous events don’t generally arrive with a sign around their neck saying, “Here I am!”
As I said, I had done this sort of thing before (and since), and to distract myself from those negative emotions, I am always tempted to immerse myself in work. (That obviously wasn’t an option in what I just described.) But it is too easy to immerse yourself in work and ignore all the changes you need to be making, and never take the risk of pouring out the water in the first place. As I’ve gotten older, my “mortality demon” has made its appearance, constantly reminding me that I am running out of runway. So, while I’ve learned to trust the process of pouring out the water and waiting for the juice, I still get impatient when sitting in the waiting room, waiting for juice to appear. It’s still uncomfortable. That part really doesn’t seem to get easier.
If you are reading this, you are likely like me. You want to live as fulfilling a life as you can, but the void between where you are starting from today and where you might want to go can quickly become terrifying when you are forced to act. Try writing about it in your journal. Putting words on paper can really demystify the inner conflict and bring more clarity quickly. The question isn’t ‘How do I get out of here?’ It’s ‘Am I willing to stay long enough to see what shows up?’
Until next time… start reading, start noticing, start thinking differently… time to wake up!
If you found this issue helpful and want to hear more from Greg, be sure to subscribe to his podcast, Waking Up, where each episode delivers a punch of truth to help you wake up, gain perspective, and live with greater clarity and purpose. Listen and subscribe now on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.
This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.