⏰ The Art of Noticing
What are you missing?
For me, “noticing” is fundamentally an inner-driven process. As I have written about before, I have what I describe as an “itch” that is constantly pushing me to grow and become more. It doesn’t shout; it nags. It often shows up as boredom and frustration. While noticing is an inner-driven process, it requires both inner reflection and outward observation. It gets refined and honed by testing it against the real world. For most of us, finding our ideal place in the world does not involve retreating into a cave or a monastery and living apart from society. It involves being engaged with the world and thinking of the world as a bit of a laboratory. When you do that initial, gross-level audit I talked about in a previous essay, that is exactly what you are doing. You are noticing and evaluating proactively. But do those things fit well or not, on the inside? When we decide to prioritize this over that, where does that get decided? Again, on the inside. (Actually, if you think about it, everything we do or say or think about gets processed on the inside.) But we also need to notice what is happening purely on the inside, independent of external stimuli. There is a feedback loop that I have with the “itch.” It lets me know if I am on the right track.
My Dharma involves serving others. But the way that is reflected in my behavior changes. As I grow into my Dharma, any changes I make are better aligning me with it, hopefully! And there is an aspect of the shifting that can occur that is, in a word, messy. Over ten years ago, I was struggling with my vocation. I was serving others; they were appreciative, they paid me well, I was good at what I did, I liked the individuals I was dealing with, but something was off. I was no longer growing, and I was no longer experiencing the non-monetary, intangible benefits that make a vocation fulfilling. I was simply exchanging my services for money. There is nothing immoral, unethical, or illegal about doing that. But I was no longer getting everything I needed. (I did not wake up one day and realize this. It came into my awareness gradually as my dissatisfaction grew. But I was paying attention to it. I was noticing what was happening.) I needed to make some sort of change, but I did not know what to do. I wrote about all of this in my journal (regularly!) and got nowhere for well over a year. Then one week, I received quite a few phone calls from clients who needed my help, and my solution was to refer them to someone else who would be better suited to meet their needs. I was becoming a clearing house for best practice sharing in my industry, and I wrote in my journal that I should “just get all of them in a room.” I didn’t think anything more of it until I went back, months later, and was rereading entries. When I reread that entry, I suddenly realized that “get all of them in a room” was exactly what I needed to do, and I started shifting my business toward doing the peer groups that I do now. But when I reread the entry, something inside of me went “click.” I didn’t need to think about it further. The decision was instantaneous. For me, that is how it works, at least now. When I was younger, it worked that way too, but I didn’t always trust what I was hearing and feeling regarding the new direction or emphasis. All the reasons I shouldn’t do it (fueled by the pesky ego) were clearly visible. So, there was an internal struggle to decide which impulses to honor. That is very natural. But I’ve done this enough over the years that there is far less to struggle with. The reasons I shouldn’t do whatever are still present, but I am now appreciative of the role the ego is playing to try to protect me and then honor and respond to the new path. Because the new path has always been better. Always. (It has not always been easy, but it has always been better).
You already know how to “notice” the way you need to. The problem, the real problem, is being willing to hear it. Most people use their busyness, their career, their TV watching to distract them from the gnawing feeling that something is missing.
The Noticing Challenge: Grab your journal or a pad of paper. Go sit on your porch, in your office, or in your car in the parking lot for 10 minutes with absolutely no distractions. Don’t try to solve a problem. Just ask yourself: “What is currently itching within me? What thought or frustration won’t leave me alone?” Write it down, even if it makes no sense. Don’t fix it. Just notice it.
Here is what most of the people reading the challenge are going to do. They are not going to do it. They are going to listen to their ongoing stream of noise inside their head. There will be a stream of reasons flooding into their awareness, all with very logical, practical, well-thought-through reasons why this is not the time to do it. And what that process does is block out the itch. It blocks your inner intelligence, your inner wisdom that is prompting you to try it, to take a new action. And we do this to avoid uncomfortable silences, through which our Dharma also actually reveals itself. You can’t take 10 minutes to sit quietly with no distractions? Sorry, I don’t believe that. Virginia Satir, the great therapist, once said that people’s greatest fear is not fear of death, but fear of the loss of the familiar. Is that happening to you right now?
The intentional act of noticing always produces “better.” Even if what starts being uncovered isn’t directly actionable at this time, it is worth the effort. If for no other reason than it gives you more choice, more options, any of which could lead you to something that better aligns you with your inherent nature. So, the new path is always better, but taking it requires you to stop ignoring the clues.
I wonder: What subtle clue has your life been leaving you for months that you are actively pretending not to notice?
In the meantime, start reading, start noticing, start thinking differently… time to wake up!
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This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.