⏰ A Live Life Audit
Here is mine. Where is yours?
In part 3 of the “Why Am I not Retired”, I talked about doing an “audit” of where you are in your current situation in life to find direction to being able to move toward finding the thing you are most uniquely qualified to do, your Purpose (with a capital P). The term I chose to use to describe this was Dharma to distinguish it from a purpose with a lower-case P. You can read more about this important distinction here.
So, what does my live “audit” look like today?
Where is there too much “friction.” Where is my alignment not what should it be?
I am still drained by useless, shallow conversations with people who are unwilling to dig more deeply.
I have become very intentional about who I want to spend the rest of my life with. The focus of this is much more on my personal life, but it also applies to professional things as well. The distinction between these has become blurred. So, I’ve literally made a list of who I want to spend more time with and a list of those whom I would prefer to spend less time with. I have already begun taking steps to implement this.
I happen to think this is a useful exercise for anyone and should be a part of anyone’s audits. Grab a piece of paper. Make a list of the people you want to spend more time with. Now, make a list of those who drain you, who you prefer to spend less time with. Pick one person on that second list and decide on one boundary you will set this week. (The easiest way to do that is by simply saying “no” where you once said “yes”.)
Am I getting too rigid?
As people get older (or get “old”), they tend to have many of their personality idiosyncrasies become amplified. My aunt just turned one hundred. She has always been one of the most open minded people I’ve known. In a conversation that I had with her last summer, I shared one of my ideas about some topic we were discussing, and her response was to state her position and then say, “and I’m no longer open-minded to other ideas.” When we get old, we can get rigid. Many people do. I am not immune to this. I have never had much patience for people behaving badly, and, internally, I probably have less patience than before, even though I also probably hide it better. My point is I am finding myself fighting a battle against rigidity. But I also think that I have become much more flexible and tolerant than I used to be. I recognize that everybody is doing the best they can, so I give more grace when things are not going my way. This causes less stress in my life, and that is a good thing.
I am a recovering perfectionist.
As has been pointed out to me on more than one occasion by people whose opinions I value, I tend to want to be in control of things going on in my life. I am, for sure, a recovering perfectionist and think I have the controlling impulses in better balance than, say, 10 years ago. This shift also produces less stress for me. And it is still a work in progress.
What is missing?
Earlier this year, it felt like something was missing from my life, and that was finding a suitable mental challenge. I’ve just returned from a week of training in Florida, where I found that challenge. I understand my Dharma involves helping others, and the training (the first of several) is completely consistent with that. I’ve already started applying what I learned. The thing that was most interesting to me was that when I stumbled on the opportunity, I didn’t have to “think about it.” I immediately knew it was something I needed to do. When I am well aligned with my Dharma, that is how it works. It is “no option behavior.” No thinking, no intellectual consideration. Just do it. It is also interesting (and not a surprise) that round two of the training is in July, and though I am travelling for much of July, there is a hole in my schedule and the training fits in perfectly. Such serendipities are always confirmations for me. I have been looking for a “What’s Next” for some time, and it seems like I’ve found it. If you’re in a similar place—trying to figure out your own ‘what’s next’—this is exactly the kind of work I teach in my course, which is free to try.
But I also have a certain level of uncertainty around it. It is a mental challenge, and it requires me to learn to approach virtually everything from a different perspective and point of view. It will take effort, practice, and meanwhile, my ego/identity is going to be subtly exerting its influence to keep me in the unchanging familiarity. As I come into contact daily with my wife, other family members, etc., they are expecting me to show up in a certain way, and when I change, that may be at some level threatening for them. And, of course, basic inertia will also push me to stay the same. But I am refusing to excuse myself from the challenge. What challenge are you currently excusing yourself from?
In the meantime, start reading, start noticing, start thinking differently…time to wake up!
If you found this issue helpful and want to hear more from Greg, be sure to subscribe to his podcast, Waking Up, where each episode delivers a punch of truth to help you wake up, gain perspective, and live with greater clarity and purpose. Listen and subscribe now on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.
This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.