⏰ I’m 73. Why Am I Not Retired?! Part 3
Is it audit time for you too?
You can read Parts 1 here and Part 2 here. For those of you who are more reflective, you may have realized that this short series of essays is not about retirement at all. But the title is still very valid because I am seventy-three, and because I am asked about my retirement plans with some regularity, it has caused me to ask myself the question: Why am I not retired?
While I’ve spent a couple of thousand words in the prior two parts talking about finding purpose, meaning, and uncovering one’s Dharma, I’ve spent a lot more energy figuring out what was going on inside of me internally, compared to most. I lead a highly self-examined (proactive) life. I have benefited greatly from having lived long enough for patterns of behavior to emerge, making it a little easier to practice discernment. I don’t want to imply this has been especially easy or difficult, because leading a highly self-examined life is part of my inherent nature, so it has been fulfilling, but it has been work. I’ve come to understand that I’ve been better aligning myself with my inherent nature in each of the vocational shifts (changes of purpose) that have occurred in my life. And each time my life has gotten better.
I don’t live inside other people’s heads. But what I see from the outside is that so many people just accept their current situation and act as if there is nothing they can do about it, which leads to reactive living. I’ve never done this. Whether it is my Dharma, an inflated ego, logic, whatever, I’ve always insisted that my life will continue to get better, and I need to be constantly looking for opportunities for that to happen. (Proactive engagement). “Get better” for me means having more fulfillment, more meaning in life. Those are not (in my opinion) finite, capped situations. For virtually all of us, they can grow indefinitely. (Some might argue that fully actualized humans have reached “maximum” fulfillment. They may be right. But I’m not one of those beings, and it is a pretty safe bet that if you are reading this, you aren’t either!)
So, here is what I’ve not yet talked about that is very relevant.
Constructing a life that is full of meaning and purpose, well aligned with your Dharma, means deconstructing other things that now give you the comfort of “familiarity.”
The late, great, Virginia Satir, is reported to have said that “The greatest fear in life is not death, but the loss of the familiar.” I think one of the reasons many people do not engage in their life more proactively is that the changes they need (some of which they can already envision!) require stepping into that which is less familiar or completely unfamiliar. (I realize this wouldn’t apply to you, but it applies to many.) So, no matter how much their life might suck, it is at least familiar. Here is the thing. Because they are not “digging” into their life and thinking, living more proactively, they don’t even recognize that this is what is happening to them. It is out of their awareness, and that which is out of our awareness controls us. And because they also see so many other people having the same experience, they think it is normal. It may be normal, but it is not OK.
Step 1: Audit
To find your purpose and Dharma, you need to start by auditing your life. What things, people, activities, whatever, are sucking the life out of you, and what is great (or just good). Be ruthlessly honest with yourself, but figure out how you can begin taking steps to adjust. Begin to prioritize doing more of the things that offer good alignment and fewer of those that do not. In my opinion, it is frequently the case that figuring out the direction you need to move starts, for many, by first figuring out what to remove. So, start there. You may find that as you reprioritize away from certain things, other possibilities that inspire you will appear.
Step 2: Deal with that “pesky” ego.
When we start stepping into our Dharma or even just moving toward it, it is common to move away from things we already identify with. Our identity takes a hit. Our ego doesn’t like that. All we can do is understand that our identity is a major part of our ego and recognize that one of the reasons we are not better aligned with our Dharma now is because, quite literally, we have spent too much time letting our ego run the show! I am not critical of the ego. It wants what it thinks is best for us. But it is not imaginative; it is protective and wants the familiar. Once you recognize this, everything changes. Now you have a choice and the auditing in Step 1 brings choice(s).
Step 3: When we start combining Steps 1 and 2 by taking appropriate action, we start a progression, a transformation. When you integrate these steps and genuinely work to move in the direction they are indicating, you have the journey toward aligning with your inherent underway, even if you don’t even know what it is.
By now, the answer to the question I’ve asked in the title of this 3-part series should be obvious. At least right now, I love what I am doing, and I have a sense of purpose in my life that seems to be well aligned with my Dharma. I will continue to audit (and deal with the pesky ego, which never leaves us) and respond in the most appropriate way I know how to.
You can do this too!
In the meantime, start reading, start noticing, start thinking differently…time to wake up!
If you found this issue helpful and want to hear more from Greg, be sure to subscribe to his podcast, Waking Up, where each episode delivers a punch of truth to help you wake up, gain perspective, and live with greater clarity and purpose. Listen and subscribe now on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.
This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.