⏰ I’m 73. Why Am I Not Retired?! Part 2
There are two kinds of “purpose.” Do you understand the difference?
You can read Part 1 here. It is commonly understood that each of us as human beings is unique. There has already been a lot written by many people about finding one’s purpose and meaning in life. I’ve not read a fraction of what has been written on this, but I think much of that writing often fails to make an important distinction. One of the things I said last time was: “When I ask someone why they are ‘here,’ what is their ‘purpose,’ most can’t tell me.” I think the question, though, is actually not ideal, because an explanation is probably needed around the word purpose.
It is helpful to point out that purpose can be thought of, correctly, in two ways. One is focused on intentional activity, normally associated with societal roles. Being a parent, being a doctor, being a businessperson, etc., are examples of purpose being expressed as activity. (And just for clarity, when properly selected, these roles can provide very meaningful lives.) Then there is another way of looking at purpose, and that is from the viewpoint of living through one’s inherent nature. We might call this purpose with a capital P, Purpose. But to make it easier to discuss, we will be using a term for this higher purpose found in the East. It’s called Dharma (pronounced Dar-ma). One can have many purposes in life: student, parent, breadwinner, etc., that can come and go. They can be meaningful, they can be necessary, they can be fun, they can be challenging, but they are also often transitory. We evolve past them. We don’t outgrow our Dharma. It would probably be best to say we grow into it. Dharma is living in alignment with our inherent nature. When you are living well aligned with your Dharma, life doesn’t just become meaningful; it is more like it becomes inevitable. And if you are well aligned with your Dharma, your life is full of meaning. Dharma is more about what the world needs from us. It is not so much what you do or do not do; it is much more about who and what you are, which, in most cases, then gets reflected in what we do.
These distinctions are important because you can have a purpose that doesn’t create meaning, but when you are truly living out your Dharma, your actions will create maximum benefit for all and maximum meaning and fulfillment for you. Living in a manner consistent with your Dharma is the highest achievement.
This might sound confusing, especially if the idea of Dharma is new for you. “How can I find mine, uncover it?” It’s straightforward. You need to start by looking at yourself! What are you good at? What do you love doing? What “feeds” you, energizes you, what makes you come alive? These activities are at least important clues. With the passage of time, if you are growing, patterns will emerge. Discovering (or uncovering) your Dharma requires reflection and intention. So, it is proactive. But what if your answer to my questions about what is exciting and feeding you is “Nothing”? What if there is nothing that is making you come alive and feed you? What if everything feels “flat” or dry, even the things you are “good” at? That can be the experience of anyone. Maybe even everyone, at times.
Well, first, it has not always been that way for you. When you were a small human, you played, you laughed. So, even if you don’t remember those times, you had them. So, somewhere between then and now, you’ve gotten off the right track, and there are an infinite number of ways that can happen, but I believe that behind all of them, there is only one thing that has happened. Just one.
You have allowed your life to be too reactive rather than proactive. It is not only likely, but I also think it is inevitable that we all have periods in our lives when we simply go with the flow, when we may even have a real, valid purpose and legitimate meaning in our lives, and that allows us to slip too far into a reactive mindset. At some point, we find ourselves feeling flat, without energy, burned out, whatever. The purpose and meaning have evaporated or are fast fleeing. When that happens, it is time to start reflecting again and notice what has changed when you slipped off the path.
Focusing on shifting your activities, your roles can get you back on the right track, at least for a while. But, often, most of these shifts in activity are transitory. There is nothing wrong with making such shifts, but focusing also on uncovering your Dharma is a much better long-term solution. You don’t get to pick your Dharma. It also isn’t like it “picks” you. It’s more like you are discovering who you really, truly are. It’s not what your Ego wants for you. It is what you were inherently made for. What you need to do is take your life events and notice which seem to be moving you toward those things that really feed you and make you feel most alive, and those that move you away from them. Or notice which are more transitory and which are more permanent. Then honor what you are seeing and sensing. If you have been around a while, maybe not as long as me, but long enough to see patterns emerging, notice them! What are they directing you toward or away from? What has not worked before? Use your past as a resource. It is definitely a proactive process. You can, literally, stumble your way into your Dharma, but if you are not looking for it, you are unlikely to recognize it.
So, why am I not retired? There are certainly lots of clues in Parts 1 and here in Part 2, but if you want the complete explanation, you can look forward to Part 3!
In the meantime, start reading, start noticing, start thinking differently…time to wake up!
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This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.