⏰ I’m 73. Why Am I Not Retired?! Part 1
Recently, I wrote an essay entitled “This Is Not About Retirement.” The metrics said readers found this valuable, and what we inferred after a bit of discussion was that there seem to be a lot of people who have progressed far enough in their vocational career that they have discovered that there needs to be more to life than work. Many have become suspicious that retirement is not the answer, but that it may simply cause dissatisfaction to appear in new ways.
And they are right.
So, it appears that “retirement” is a topic that is drawing the attention of a much larger audience than just those about to enter it!
And that is a good thing.
Because most people get retirement “wrong,” because they also got their pre-retirement life, meaning their life today, wrong too. The things causing dissatisfaction today will often get amplified when the 40+ hour workweek is no longer filling our days. The clue(s) that they are not living their current life optimally include growing dissatisfaction with their work and recognizing that a bump in pay is not the solution. They feel like they are spending way too much time, just going through the motions. They are often burned out by the very things they used to enjoy. They are stale. They are increasingly realizing that something is missing in their lives. They ask themselves questions like, “Is that all there is?” These clues (and there are others) point to the gap between where a person is and where, at the deepest level of their being, they (correctly) believe/feel/know they should be. None of these things is the problem. Indeed, virtually all of these “symptoms” are “normal” for most any healthy, growing human being. The “problem” is accepting the deficiencies or thinking there is nothing you can do about it.
And that is a big problem.
Because no matter where you are in the process of going through life, you can course correct, so not only your retirement, but also your current life can provide you with the fulfillment you seek. The fulfillment that, frankly, you deserve is your birthright.
Let’s start, though, at the beginning.
Everyone wants and needs some sort of purpose and meaning in their life. Those pain points I mentioned a few paragraphs ago are virtually always rooted in a lack of suitable meaning and purpose in your life today. If you don’t get the purpose and meaning part right, everything else that follows can’t be right either.
Purpose and meaning are related, and often connected, but not necessarily so. When you have purpose, you have direction in your life. You know where you are going. That can lead to meaning, but it might not. For instance, you can be a business executive tasked with achieving some goal that you personally think is a complete waste of time, effort, and energy. You have a purpose, but a healthy, vibrant meaning is unlikely to be connected to it. Conversely, meaning often comes from things such as love, growing through challenges, making suitable contributions, and relationships. None of those needs to be connected to any purpose. That said, when we are aligned with a purpose that feeds us, makes us feel alive, and nurtures us, we will likely also develop the kind of meaning that is so valuable to us.
As people progress through their vocational careers, they tend to master aspects of their work sufficiently so that the challenges their work presents can create real meaning, dissipate, and all they are left with is the purpose of earning a living. So, when their long-term financial goals are met, even their remaining purpose dissolves, and they retire (or simply “check out”). Let’s be clear, if it were only this clear, a lot of people would recognize it. But it isn’t clear. There are many factors floating around that can obscure what is really happening. There are aspects of work that you find fulfilling, but perhaps not as much as you used to. You have friendships at work that you enjoy and that generate positive feelings. You tell yourself that it isn’t all bad, and you are right, but it isn’t as good as it used to be or as good as it could be. You can more easily ignore the gnawing that is telling you that there should be something better. So, no, it isn’t as clean as I laid it out at the beginning, but when you can step aside and look at it dispassionately from 30,000’, especially in hindsight, that is exactly what you see.
When I ask someone why they are “here,” what is their “purpose,” most can’t tell me. And for those that make the attempt, it is often a poorly formed explanation, which I interpret to mean they have some sort of vague idea, which they are almost certainly not living out nearly as fully as they might. It is not well enough aligned with what they are truly intended to be doing to be great at. Many of these people are using their vocational career, not only to earn a living, but to “keep them busy” so they don’t have to think about these higher-level ideas. Then they go home and watch 2 or 3 hours of TV at night to also distract them from the gnawing that comes from living a life not suitably connected to meaning and purpose. These things (and others) are not conscious choices; we just sort of slide into them. But this is also why, when retirement occurs, people often get such a rude awakening. They now have an extra 40+ hours a week to do what they want, and after spending a month or two playing a lot more golf, knitting, a lot more time with their grandchildren, and taking some trips, they wake up one day feeling very empty. The reality is that many have been empty for decades. This is what I meant when I said at the beginning of this essay that they are getting their current life “wrong.”
None of these activities has adequately addressed their lack of sufficient purpose and meaning. (And playing even more golf, spending even more time with grandchildren, and taking even more trips won’t solve that, but that is what many try to do.)
To be fair, the search for meaning and purpose in life is not a simple black-or-white kind of thing. Your purpose in life can (and probably should) shift as you go through life. (For instance, when your children leave the nest, your purpose as parents changes.)
We are going to talk about how to sort that out next time.
In the meantime, start reading, start noticing, start thinking differently… time to wake up!
If you found this issue helpful and want to hear more from Greg, be sure to subscribe to his podcast, Waking Up, where each episode delivers a punch of truth to help you wake up, gain perspective, and live with greater clarity and purpose. Listen and subscribe now on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.
This issue was originally published by Greg Hayne on Substack.